Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
