Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
