my mouth tastes like poor choices
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
