there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
