i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
