just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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