I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
