i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize