my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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