I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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