i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize