I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
