i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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