FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He did a backflip because drugs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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