Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
