So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
