I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize