lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
