How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
