I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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