I wish I only lived at night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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