She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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