nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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