A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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