I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
