I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
