He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
