I cut my penus on the lid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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