i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In America we eat man semen.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
