You surviving the open bar?
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So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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