It was confusing and full of hummus
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
