Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
