For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
