Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
