now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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