I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I believe in your delicious
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
