Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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