I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
