then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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