So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize