how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
