fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
