he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
