you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
