I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
