The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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