Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
