he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
