just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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