he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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