he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
