I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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