Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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