My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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