Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
