not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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