another moral hangover. fuck.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
