dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
