Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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