If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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