Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
