I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
