i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
