Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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