omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
