I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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