Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i barfeds in our rink
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
