you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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