not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
