No awkward lesbian experiences without me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
