You smell like stripper and shame
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize