I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
