is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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