I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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