this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Panties = found
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
