You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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