? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
