Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
