Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
