we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
