im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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