would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry about my life...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
