im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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