there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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