I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
