so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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