ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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